Missing My Dad

I'm having a pretty rough week. "Life" stress seems to have hit an all time peak here at our house. We're making the best of it, and making sure our kids don't feel it...but it's not good around here lately. But on top of that, Monday marked six weeks that my Dad passed away.

It's so strange to me how much more real it feels now. When I got the call, I of course bawled my eyes out until I couldn't even see. But when I got to Washington and helped set up the reception and all the photo boards and helped Fern prep food for the funeral...it was almost surreal.

But now the reality is setting in. I can't pick up the phone and call him and hear his voice on the other end say, "Hey Babydoll". I can't get up and email him every day like I did before. The way he would say "Oh geez" and kind of laugh/snort when I'd say something funny. Or the way he would say "Well, you know..." before giving me good advice. Or never seeing him in his red apron cooking something amazing like lamb or steak again.

I really thought that since we knew that he was terminal, and that we had a sort of time line, that I had already started my grieving process. But I was very wrong.